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Hannah Brown and Alan Bersten"s time onDancing v the Starswasn"t constantly amicable.The previous Bachelorette and the pro dancer to be partnered together during season 28 ofDWTSin 2019, and Hannah writes around the emotional trip in her brand-new memoir,God Bless This Mess, i m sorry ET spoke to her around ahead the its release.

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Prior toDWTS, Hannah had been going through a difficult time in her life. She had break-up from herBachelorettefiancé, Jed Wyatt,after it come outthat he had a girlfriend once he came on the show. Things hadn"t resolved with her runner-up, Tyler Cameron, and also she had lingering feelings for the then-Bachelor, Peter Weber.

Amid the drama in her love life, Hannah to be tapped to complete on the show. She observed the possibility as a method to combat the anxiety and depression she was emotion in the wake ofThe Bachelorette, and jumped at the chance.

Her romantic life managed to still it is in a topic of conversation, though, as rumors swirled that she and also her partner,Alan, were dating. That was the furthest point from the truth, though.

"That is a crazy experience," she said ET the DWTS. "There"s simply a lot of high emotions. Alan will always be a dear friend of mine however in the experience, also he would admit, it can be volatile. We could love each other, hate each other in the following second."

ET has reached the end to Alan"s rep because that comment.

In the book, Hannah writes around how she and Alan were "not compatible people," noting the they"had the many volatile partnership of the season, by far."

"It to be either we acted like ideal friends and also true partners, or us couldn’t was standing each other," she writes. "He’d press me too far in rehearsals, and I’d say, "Get the end of mine face. I’m not doing this,"and he’d say, "You’re lazy! You’re not trying!"While I operated hard and focused ~ above the prize, and concentrated on becoming a far better dancer every day, the process itself kept bringing the end the worst in me. I was emotionally unwell."

Looking back on the now, Hannah said ET, "I think we had actually a shot at doing well and he moved me really, yes, really hard."

"He knew I can do it, but, at the very same time, I remained in my emotionally state.I probably needed to it is in seeking some aid in that. It was just really tough for us," she said."We certainly communicate differently. We had a really difficult time. Harder than it that looked ~ above the show. We openly acquire into arguments."

Despite your strained partnership, Hannah and Alanended increase winningDWTS. In she memoir, Hannah shares a newspaper entry from the night she won the show. In it, she reflects on emotion "empty" ~ her large win.

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"I didn’t hear them announce my name as the winner, becauseI was perplexed by just how numb ns felt. Why wasn’t i excited?" she writes. "...I to be happyforthe excitement and celebration Alan was feeling, however the feeling I had was "Well... I did it. What’s next?"I dislike admitting this. That shouldn’t have been the way.I worked sohardbut ns was so miserable. Winning and having no feeling, and still feeling defeated due to the fact that the high wasn’t all you thought it would be i think is an ext heartbreaking than losing and feeling the sting that the defeat."

Her relationship withAlan hasimproved exponentially since the show; they"vemade TikToks together, and also sheopenly supported him and also his partner,Amanda Kloots, top top the many recent season ofDWTS, i beg your pardon aired that finale top top Monday.

Still, Hannah chose to re-superstructure her and Alan"sDWTSstruggles in her publication because, she told ET, "it was vital for me to show that not everything is how it seems."

"Overall, ns wish that the best, and also I understand that that does for me too," she said. "... Friend don"t really know what"s walk on behind the scenes, and also people have the right to make all these narratives. I mean, civilization thought that we were in a relationship! You have no idea what"s walk on."

Knowing the truth, Hannah said, enables "you to discover out more about a person. What are their struggles? What are their weaknesses? What really got in winning that show? perhaps it intended something in different way than what everyone thought."